TYPE: Ladybug (yellow). I wonder if this is a special kind of yellow ladybug or if it’s a baby. I hope it’s a baby.
DIFFICULTY: Easy. This ladybug just landed right on me! And then another landed close by. Ladybugs are touch sluts.
LOCATION: Outside my office building on my lunch break.
NOTES: I have a strained relationship with ladybugs.
When I first started at my current job, I found a ladybug crawling around on my desk and assumed that it meant good luck. The next day I came back and it was dead. I mourned this ladybug. The day after THAT, the same ladybug was up and moving around again (apparently I was the victim of some kind of Romeo and Juliet type fake death scheme) and I was happy. When I returned to work again after the weekend, the ladybug was still there and was certifiably dead. A few weeks later, another ladybug showed up to avenge the death of the first one. It met a similar fate. Since then, no ladybugs have dared to enter my cube.
Typing that out, it sounds incredibly boring. Trust me, it was a roller coaster ride of ladybug deceit and honor codes.
Side note: None of the wishes made the day of these pictures have come true. (YET!)
DIFFICULTY: Easy. This was in a touch pool. The starfish was asking for it.
LOCATION: New England Aquarium in Boston.
NOTES: I have always wanted to be hand model, and I think this picture proves that I would be pretty awesome at it. The starfish looks like it BELONGS there.
This trip to the aquarium was on my birthday and, I’m going to be honest, it was perfection. During this visit, I discovered that you can volunteer to feed the penguins and I think I had a little bit of a heart attack. My dreams were later crushed when I learned that you have to be over 5’4 to do it (I am a very dignified 5’2) AND you have to be able to lift 50 pounds (and you have to commit to a full day every week, Monday through Friday, but pish posh, I was young and free back then!). Life is not kind to short weaklings like me.
ALSO, I just reviewed the requirements to make sure I was correct about the height thing, and they recommend that you wear WOOL SOCKS. Rough cotton has given me enough trouble already; my delicate skin is threatening to implode at the mere thought of wool socks. (More like steel wool socks, HARDY HAR HAR HAR!)
And, because I’m in a chatty mood today, I will answer a burning reader question that I just made up: “Why,” you say, “are you so interested in touching all these animals when you can’t even handle rough cotton? A starfish is much more rough than the roughest cotton! And I hear you are obscenely interested in touching a hedgehog, which is made entirely of spikey pokey stuff!”
Good question! The answer is that I love animals enough to suffer through their roughness. I’m also typically allergic to them, but, much like Moses wandering in the desert, I like to think that the animals are just testing my devotion.
"But," you insist, "if you’re willing to touch animals despite the fact that they can be rough and you’re generally pretty allergic to them, why not wear the wool socks in order to touch the penguins? It’s like the wool socks are a magical key that unlocks the door to the penguin kingdom!"
That’s some great imagery, reader! When I look at it that way, the wool socks don’t seem so bad. But, as I said above, the main impediment to reaching my penguin dream is my short stature and my weakness (thanks for reminding me!), so we will never know if my love for penguins would conquer my hatred for wool socks.
I think we’ve all learned something today.
TYPE: Holland lop-eared bunny
DIFFICULTY: Easy. Pet status. However, Sampson hated being held and was almost impossible to catch. So, it was not that easy to get him to take this presh xmas pic.
LOCATION: This picture was taken when Sampson was home for the holidays in Sturbridge, Massachusetts after surviving a 12 hour car ride. He was a North Carolina bunny born and raised though.
NOTES: This was Sampson’s first Christmas. I am squeezing the heck out of him. Sampson has since passed so I would like to take the time to honor him here. He was a great bunny. He loved his three moms very much. He loved to eat alfalfa and wacky wabbit treats. His hobbies included eating my homework, watching Regis & Kelly, escaping his leash, and getting high and following trails of lettuce. His favorite song was ‘Party In The U.S.A.’ and he was a big fan of the Cleveland Cav’s.
You can view Sampson in all his glory here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enOKZEX08E
This is the dream. Right here.
Guys, I’m going to be honest with you. I’ve touched many animals in my day, but I don’t have pictures of all of them! I am going to have to go out in the world and touch a lot more animals if I’m going to keep this blog going strong (five posts strong!). Maybe I can get Snoop to do a guest post.
TYPE: Norwegian forest cat, we think, named Kenisha.
DIFFICULTY: Easy. Kenisha does not LOVE to be held (see: her face), but she’s a housecat and therefore easily overpowered.
LOCATION: My kitchen, the native habitat of the wild housecat.
NOTES: My sister did an AmeriCorps program in Columbus, Ohio called City Year a few years ago. When she was getting ready to move back to Boston, she discovered that a stray cat had given birth to a litter of kittens right under her front stoop. She called my mom and told her she wanted to take the kittens home so they would not die on the hardcore streets of Columbus. My mom, in a move to avoid having five kittens dropped off at her door, responded that you CANNOT separate kittens that young from their mother. Emilee arrived a week later with all five kittens and their mother, forever saved from a life on the streets, and that is how we got Kenisha and her bretheren.
Some are born kittens, some achieve kittens, and some have kittens thrust upon them!
(ALSO: I’m dressed a little fancy here because it was my last date with my then boyfriend before he left to teach English in Jordan.)
DIFFICULTY: Medium. As you can see, the mini-horse is actively running away from me as I am trying to touch it.
LOCATION: Killeen, Texas. I was volunteering for the week at a ranch for kids with disabilities.
NOTES: I’m not sure what the difference is between a pony and a mini-horse. This could actually be either, or both.
TYPE: Horse named Cloud.
DIFFICULTY: Easy. This is about as easy as it gets to touch a horse (see: location).
LOCATION: I’m standing in my back yard, reaching over the fence to my neighbor’s back yard.
NOTES: This was a dark time in my life. Note the hair and clothing choices. The horse was having some issues too. Also, it was Easter. I don’t just carry Easter baskets around wherever I go.
Dear Loyal Readers,
Welcome to Animals I Have Touched. This tumblr is dedicated to the many animals I have touched, would like to touch, and will touch in the future.
Some ground rules:
- Pictures or it didn’t happen. That’s just the way it is. I would love to tell you all I’ve touched a unicorn, but the truth is, none of you will believe me unless I provide photographic evidence. And when you see an actual picture of me touching a REAL LIVE unicorn, it will be worth the wait.
- The animal must be alive. First of all, touching a dead animal would be gross. Second, it would kill the thrill of it all. Too easy. Third, every time I eat a piece of chicken I am “touching” that animal. I am not going to claim to have touched 500 chickens. That’s cheating. Also, a dead animal cannot give me permission to touch it. And every time I see a dead animal I want to cry. Bad news all around.
- I must actually be touching the animal. This is not called “Animals with which I am in the same room.”
- Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are wonderful beings. I love them very much. I touch them every chance I get. Therefore, I will not be posting every time I touch a cat or a dog. If I posted every single time I touched a cat or a dog, I would break the server.
Each picture will be accompanied by the following pieces of information:
TYPE: The type of animal I am touching in the picture.
DIFFICULTY: How hard it was for me to touch this specific animal. Some will be hard to touch because they are skittish, some will require me to travel long distances, and some will be dangerous to touch. I’m going to do it anyway.
LOCATION: Where I touched the animal. That sounds weird. Let’s say “where the animal was when I touched it” instead.
NOTES: My thoughts about the experience. SPOILER: They’re probably going to be pleasant. I’m pretty excited about this.
I welcome any tips or suggestions on how best to log the animal touchings, animals to add to my wish list, how to approach certain animals, and where to find any animals.
Everyone has dreams. Mine is to touch as many animals as possible. Help me to achieve this dream.